Slow Torture

Alzheimer’s is sadness and pain for all touched by the one who is lost. Lost in his own home. Lost in his own skin. Lost in his own mind.

Alzheimer’s is frustration and exhaustion for those seeking a spark of recognition. A moment of clarity that slips away in an instant.

Alzheimer’s is a slow torture that consumes a caretakers life and leaves hope tattered and bruised. But then the end comes and the pain subsides. Memories of the man that was begin to replace the despair of dealing with the hollow shell that remained.

My father has been gone for awhile now, but this morning, his body went too. All that was lost is restored. He is whole again. He is reunited with loved ones gone before and will be missed by all of us who remain. Love you Dad.

A Single Tear

Loss. Your name is Rusty. A quiet man with a giving heart. A brother who probably didn’t know how much he meant to his little sister. A brother who’s face his little sister looked for when she was scared or hurt. Cancer came for him. That is the how. I’m still searching for the why.

Loss. Your name is Ruby. Already family in all ways that matter. Days from making it legal. You brought a joy to a man that had been waiting his whole life for you. He is strong and trying to make you proud. A tragic car wreck came for her. That is the how. Still searching for the why.

Loss. Your name is Katrina. Smart, beautiful and caring only begins to describe you. Momma, wife, daughter, friend, niece. You let your light shine and your love flow. The love your family has for you will keep you near. A freak accident came for her. That is the how. Still searching for the why.

It’s like sitting all alone in the middle of a calm, peaceful lake, looking for a single tear in the water. Can the answers be found? Is the searching where the healing begins? Can the anger help burn away the pain? Trying to stop focusing on the single tear, and accepting the calm, peaceful lake, knowing who sent it and He will provide the answers. Accepting is a struggle.Doubt feeds the clouds. Faith calms the waves.

In the Flowers

IMG_1059They lined the road to my grandparents farm. They were a vivid memory of my childhood. Now they line the rural roads here Just West of Nowhere. I could almost see my grandma on her front porch every time I drove past them. It’s her birthday. I think she would have been 110 years old.

Happy Birthday! ❤️

Just West of Nowhere

IMG_0079Sometimes this sign feels like a welcome home.

Sometimes this sign feels like a stop on my journey.

Sometimes this sign feels like it’s just mocking me.

And sometimes I don’t even notice this sign as I drive by.

Sometimes I wonder if I should always try to find a reason for this sign to make me smile or embrace the times it makes me sigh.

Sign of the times?

Sign of the place?

Just West of Nowhere.

Living somewhere between total contentment and what the hell are we doing here.

Just have to remind myself, most of us live here. We remember where we were. Don’t take enough time to appreciate where we are. Wonder where we are going.

Here I am, where the sunsets are beautiful and life feels right more than not. But on occasion……sigh.

 

 

 

 

Ghost

IMG_0508Meet Ghost! Yea, I know that’s a silly name for a puppy. But this puppy has a story.

We weren’t looking for a puppy. We had lost our schnauzer Bing awhile back and have settled into being a one dog family. But my niece had a puppy she needed to find a home for…..

They brought her over to meet us and she literally vanished. We had a extensive search. Ten or so people searching this small neighborhood Just West of Nowhere. We searched for hours.

Eventually we conceded she was lost. Lost to a tragic end to another animal or picked up by someone driving out by the lake. She was gone, probably dead.

Two days later, our Tink was barking at something in the back yard. She was over near Mal’s shop. Hoping it wasn’t a skunk or a snake, I went to investigate. I heard a scratching and a faint whimper coming from inside the shop. I knocked on the window to get Mal’s attention. He came to the door and I told him there was something in his shop. I thought he had closed a dog or cat in there. He thought it might have been a rat he thought he had seen earlier.

He hit the garage door opener. He had inadvertently left the light on. Nothing. Not a sight of any animal, not a sound to be heard as we searched among the stuff that gets put in the spare garage Just West of Nowhere.

The next day, while I was working a local election, Mal and my nephew Shane found this puppy hiding behind a stack of wood in his shop.

She didn’t make it easy. She apparently didn’t want to be found. She was hungry and thirsty. She already has Mal wrapped around he paw. And she is back from the dead.

Ghost seems to fit…….and she seems happy we found her……Tink still hasn’t decided…….

Thanksgiving

IMG_0348Always thankful for family, friends, health and kindness out here Just west of Nowhere.

Also thankful for the reminder that occasionally we should shake off some old stuff and let it fall to the ground.

Let the trivial stuff blow away in the wind and take the time to clean up the rest.

 

Clean slate. Ready for the next season, the next year, the next chapter….